Yes, there have been reports that I have dropped off the face of the earth, but do not listen to them, I am still alive and kickin. Actually, I would define it more like this: alive and paddling. Yep. Paddling. I'm just trying to keep my head above water and paddling like crazy to do so! I never knew there would be a time in my life that I had no time. I mean, it's like monday morning when I step out of bed, somebody hits a stopwatch and says, "Go!," and it's a race 'til friday. The week feels like one long day without a break. I came home this past friday and went to sleep at 6:00 and woke up at 10:30 on Saturday morning. Can you say, "POOPED!?"
Teachers do not get paid near enough. Everybody always says that, but I mean it. It's ridiculous. A beginning teachers salary in SC is $28, 608. I am there at 7:15 every morning and it is rare that I leave before 6:00. And when I leave, I don't "leave." It comes home with me in some form or another. Papers to grade, lessons to plan, parents to call... it's insane, really. It blows my mind how people do this their whole lives. PLUS, I still haven't gotten paid. I am basically volunteering right now. New teachers don't get paid until Sept. 9th. (Unless you jumped through a hoop that I didn't realize you were supposed to jump through until it was too late) All that to say, I'm alive, but I don't quite have this whole "life" thing down pat yet. Each week gets a little smoother, but whew.. it's been a bumpy ride so far.
I don't know what I would do if it hadn't been for Benjamin. He's been my calming wind these past few weeks. Even now, it's precious to be to see how the Lord has blessed me with a husband who can calm my soul when it's all swirling. He's been so helpful and understanding about the "wifely duties" that I've been slack on.. He's been light-hearted and easy going. Last week he took me Kayaking down to Saluda river and boy did we have a ball. So the "marriage" part of life has been a delight and refreshing as I've entered into this world of "adulthood." I must say I did my fair share of complaining in collge about late-night studies and the like.. but now that I'm here, I must say the grass isn't as green as I thought it'd be... Maybe it's just different grass is all.. This life is about seasons I suppose.. each has their own positives and negatives. Each one is sweet in their own ways. This season is hard in one sense, because I am working very hard and without much rest, but I think the Lord is blessing me through it because if it was easy, I'd be depending on myself... now, I'm weak, and through that, He is strong. Praise Him!
Blogging really is theraputic for me.. so maybe I'll try and get back in the swing.. we'll see.. if you'd like to keep up with what I'm teaching my classes you can go to my beautiful (yeah right) website:
https://www.edline.net/pages/White_Knoll_High_School/Classes/322200CW-03
or this one for my physical science classes:
https://www.edline.net/pages/White_Knoll_High_School/Classes/321101HW-06
I am supposed to update them everyday... we'll see how that goes..
Benjamin's been walking around the house singing "Tiger Rag." We're so excited about going back up to Tiger town next weekend! He's excited about the football and I'm excited about seeing all the faces I've missed these past few months. It's going to be a fun time.. and my Dad and Mrs. J. are even coming... my Dad is especially thrilled about that! :) Life is good.. and I am not sure the ride is ever smooth. Maybe it was meant to be like this.. who likes to ride on a flat roller coaster?!
8.27.2005
7.12.2005
Why a roller coaster...?
...I don't know, but that is what I think about when I look at my life. But not the kind of roller coaster thought that relates to ups and downs. My roller coaster thoughts are little different. Here's my brain in an analogy:
It's "get-in-free-day" at Six flags amusement park, so everybody and their brother is there. Everybody is waiting in line to get on the awesomest roller coaster in the park, so naturally I am in line too. I've used up all my tickets and I can ride one more ride. As I'm in line for the awesome roller coaster, I'm looking around at all the other roller coasters that are there. They aren't the coolest ones, but each has a unique quality about it that I kinda dig. So after waiting in line for this incredible roller coaster that everybody else is dying to ride, I decide at the last minute to let somebody else go ahead of me and use my ticket on a different ride.
I am the worst second guesser that there ever was. I live my life this way and it drives me crazy. I wish someone could and would put a stop to the madness that is my decision making ability.
It's times like these I'm thankful for predestination. :)
It's "get-in-free-day" at Six flags amusement park, so everybody and their brother is there. Everybody is waiting in line to get on the awesomest roller coaster in the park, so naturally I am in line too. I've used up all my tickets and I can ride one more ride. As I'm in line for the awesome roller coaster, I'm looking around at all the other roller coasters that are there. They aren't the coolest ones, but each has a unique quality about it that I kinda dig. So after waiting in line for this incredible roller coaster that everybody else is dying to ride, I decide at the last minute to let somebody else go ahead of me and use my ticket on a different ride.
I am the worst second guesser that there ever was. I live my life this way and it drives me crazy. I wish someone could and would put a stop to the madness that is my decision making ability.
It's times like these I'm thankful for predestination. :)
7.03.2005
My sweet sister Ashley came over and helped me transition my laundry room from drab to fab! We had a great time painting... we laughed the whole time. Some of the days discussion included: "wouldn't it be nice if paint cans came with little men." as well as "Do you think the guy at the paint store would take me seriously if I walked in and said, I would like to paint my kitchen the color of my toenails, can you hook me up?"
6.28.2005
I sure do love food :)
If there's one thing I despise, it's restaurant secrets. I love going out to eat. I don't like to do it all the time, cause I really do enjoy cooking and if you eat out all the time, it loses it's Pizazz and you start feeling fat. But every once in a while, it is fun to get all dolled up and go out to a nice restaurant. My latest favorite has been Carraba's. I think tonight was my fifth time going there, but I really love it. The first couple of times i went, I ordered the salad with my meal. Well, i soon learned that was a mistake, because the minestrone is the only way to go. I don't usually order soup over salad, and I can't remember what made me want to try it, but I did once, and now I'm hooked. be warned: it looks disgusting when they bring it to you, but mmm mmm, it is delicious. And my favorite thing to order is the Speidino de mare. It's shrimp that has been breaded and grilled. On the menu it says shrimp and scallops, but I always just ask for all shrimp and they appease me. And it's good to get it with Fettucine Alfredo on the side... that isn't on the menu either, but they'll give it to you if you ask. Well, back to the point: restaurant secrets. Another marvelous thing about carrabas is that they do the whole olive oil and bread dip combo thing. Now, at first, i didn't like it, cause I didn't know what I was doing, I'm not big on just bread and oil, but I quickly learned to sprinkle a little of the sea salt in there and dip the bread so as to scoop up some of the little herby stuff they put in there, and it is most fantastic! I asked what it was and they gave me a pretty good answer, but then at the end they said, plus we put in some secret spices that even the waiters don't know! WHAT! These people are feeding me stuff they don't even know the identity of?! Well, who cares, it's good. I mostly am huffy puffy cause i want the recipe. Also, there is this lovely little place in Lexington called Stephano's. They have the worlds absolute best chicken salad. I didn't like chicken salad til I tried theirs. You can buy it by the pint. It costs $9.00. (They think a lot of it too. ) Again, I ask the waitress what's in it, and all I got was "Dukes mayonaise and some secrets spices." What's up with the secrets these restaurants keep?! I won't even tell you about the time I made "olive Garden Chicken Marsala" from a recipe off the internet. Needless to say it did NOT taste the same! (I think I have a secret Italian affinity or something... I'm noticing a trend here.. ) Anyway...I guess it's what keeps me coming back for more.. I can't make it myself, so I gotta go there to get it... This might be a stretch to find something meaningful in an otherwise pointless blog, but I think i do the same thing with God. A lot of times I try to make a situation or circumstance reflect Him in a way that he just isn't in... It's those times when it's all Him and none of me.. when I go to him without money, without a"recipe", poor and begging that he satisfies me so fully. I can't make it myself. I don't know the recipe, and I've looked it up everywhere and it just isn't the same.. I think we often go to God and ask forgivesness for this or that... we repent and we think that is enough. The church teaches that, and I think it is partly true. But there is a large part that we are missing. We must repent not only of our sins, but also our self righteousness. We tend to say, "I'm sorry for my sins, I'll try to do better." Sometimes we say, "I'm sorry for my sins, with your HELP, I can do better." We must be poor before the Lord, acknowledging that it is ONLY Jesus that allows us audience with God the Father. There is a caedmons call song that says, "The best Obedience of my hands dares not appear before thy throne." Jesus's righteousness is all we have. Our best efforts at the recipe never quite match up to the real thing. Jesus is the only real thing. Blessed are those who Hunger and Thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied... mmm mmm, I'm Hungry!
6.24.2005
some thoughts on marriage
My sweet friend Erin just posted a blog asking a question about "the one" that jogged my memory about a few thoughts I had about marriage. Last night I was thinking about Christ and the church and how marriage is supposed to teach me about that. You know, that is a really precious idea if you can get you mind around it, the fact that God gives us something to be able to understand the bigness and intricacy in a very real and tangible way of the relationship that he has with his people, the Church. So in Ephesians 5, it talks about how the husband is like Jesus and the wife is like the church.
This was the passage that Pastor Sinclair read in our wedding service and he asked the question, "How can a Holy God wed himself to such an un-holy people?" And when I think about marriage, I think about things like "double bouncing" and the like... being equally yoked and so forth. The Bible commands this. And to me, that is a big idea. To "find" someone who is this "perfect" or "near perfect" or "more perfect than the other people" person doesn't seem to me to be the way to think about it. Well, I'll tell you what, God didn't. He did not wed himself to a Church that was holy and blameless like himself. If he only cared to "marry" someone just like himself, God would have stayed "single" forever. So how did he do it? Jesus. Now, this is not the Sunday school version of that answer, but I do think it is applicable in how He loved us, the rotten group that we are, as well as how we can love another sinner all of our days. Jesus. Now, i am not saying go out and find the rottenest person you can and marry them, the Bible sets up a fence- they must be a believer- but within that fence, I, personally, do not think there is a "right" or a "wrong". I just see no scripture backing it up.
Here's the thought I had last night: Have you ever seen those cartoons or a tv show where there is a little guy who is standing there in a confrontation with someone who is a little bigger than them? Then all of a sudden, from behind the little guy, there comes a HUGE guy, but the little guy doesn't seen him, because he's behind him? But the middle sized guy DOES see him and realizes what he's up against and backs down because he fears the big guy?
Ok, that was an interesting way to tell that idea, but it was just a blurp of an idea anyway, the point is:
in trusting that the all Sovereign God who placed me at this moment in all of history gave me the family that he did in the place in the world that he did (all of which i had Zero control) and then led me along and along throughout life so that when i look back down my life road I see that it was Him pursuing me the whole time, not the other way around- He's Big. He's real Big. and I can trust my life to Him. I can trust that my husband, who is a sinner entrusted to lead me, is like the little guy. When I look at him, I see him, yes, but I see something much bigger than him, I see Jesus standing behind him, leading and guiding him. And why? Because he is in the fence. He is a believer and so no matter what, there is more to him than meets the eye.
To me, it's a matter of the big picture. I have been and am being sactified through my marriage because I have to trust that the God who is God over mine and my husbands life is bigger than any mistake or wrong turn or sin or whatever that either of us could make. I can trust my husband with our finances, my growth, our service to the world, whatever it may be, because as his wife, I am standing there looking at him and what do I see, I don't see a man standing alone I see the one behind him. I see my God who gave himself up for me.. who traded his perfect life for my sinful one that He may wed Himself to me.. an imperfect sinner who at the time didn't care one thing about Him. When I see what Jesus has done for me.. how he loved me, it enables me to love Him back so Big. But more than that, it enables me to love the dirty, sinful people in this world. Including the one to which I was wed. I am learning to be like Jesus because I am learning to trust the redeeming work of God in His marriage with the Church and in my own marriage.
I think there is "the one." And you know he/she is "the one" when you turn around and face the church and the pastor says, "I now pronouce you man and wife." Regardless of what has led up to that point, AT that point, he/she is "the one" and things could go any sort of up or down after that, but just like walking along the path of life, where God shines a flashlight at your feet and shows you just a step at a time, then you stop and turn around and see that he led you on each turn and bend. God didn't pick us because we are perfect. He didn't even pick us because we had some really good qualities. He picked us because we are dressed in Jesus. We have HIS righteousness on us- and when the Father looks at us, He sees Jesus's perfection. I can't help but think that on the day that we meet the father and he is giving out crowns, that there won't be a woman who receives a a beautiful crown for living her life becoming more like Jesus sumbitting to a husband who was not like him- does that mean she didn't marry "the one?" Forever she will live and love and know so intimately her precious redeemer, at the price of a life built on faith, not sight of Him- I don't think she would want it differently for eternity, and if you asked Him did she do the right thing, he may say yes or he may say no, but the best part is, HE did the right thing. He specializes in broken vases.
This was the passage that Pastor Sinclair read in our wedding service and he asked the question, "How can a Holy God wed himself to such an un-holy people?" And when I think about marriage, I think about things like "double bouncing" and the like... being equally yoked and so forth. The Bible commands this. And to me, that is a big idea. To "find" someone who is this "perfect" or "near perfect" or "more perfect than the other people" person doesn't seem to me to be the way to think about it. Well, I'll tell you what, God didn't. He did not wed himself to a Church that was holy and blameless like himself. If he only cared to "marry" someone just like himself, God would have stayed "single" forever. So how did he do it? Jesus. Now, this is not the Sunday school version of that answer, but I do think it is applicable in how He loved us, the rotten group that we are, as well as how we can love another sinner all of our days. Jesus. Now, i am not saying go out and find the rottenest person you can and marry them, the Bible sets up a fence- they must be a believer- but within that fence, I, personally, do not think there is a "right" or a "wrong". I just see no scripture backing it up.
Here's the thought I had last night: Have you ever seen those cartoons or a tv show where there is a little guy who is standing there in a confrontation with someone who is a little bigger than them? Then all of a sudden, from behind the little guy, there comes a HUGE guy, but the little guy doesn't seen him, because he's behind him? But the middle sized guy DOES see him and realizes what he's up against and backs down because he fears the big guy?
Ok, that was an interesting way to tell that idea, but it was just a blurp of an idea anyway, the point is:
in trusting that the all Sovereign God who placed me at this moment in all of history gave me the family that he did in the place in the world that he did (all of which i had Zero control) and then led me along and along throughout life so that when i look back down my life road I see that it was Him pursuing me the whole time, not the other way around- He's Big. He's real Big. and I can trust my life to Him. I can trust that my husband, who is a sinner entrusted to lead me, is like the little guy. When I look at him, I see him, yes, but I see something much bigger than him, I see Jesus standing behind him, leading and guiding him. And why? Because he is in the fence. He is a believer and so no matter what, there is more to him than meets the eye.
To me, it's a matter of the big picture. I have been and am being sactified through my marriage because I have to trust that the God who is God over mine and my husbands life is bigger than any mistake or wrong turn or sin or whatever that either of us could make. I can trust my husband with our finances, my growth, our service to the world, whatever it may be, because as his wife, I am standing there looking at him and what do I see, I don't see a man standing alone I see the one behind him. I see my God who gave himself up for me.. who traded his perfect life for my sinful one that He may wed Himself to me.. an imperfect sinner who at the time didn't care one thing about Him. When I see what Jesus has done for me.. how he loved me, it enables me to love Him back so Big. But more than that, it enables me to love the dirty, sinful people in this world. Including the one to which I was wed. I am learning to be like Jesus because I am learning to trust the redeeming work of God in His marriage with the Church and in my own marriage.
I think there is "the one." And you know he/she is "the one" when you turn around and face the church and the pastor says, "I now pronouce you man and wife." Regardless of what has led up to that point, AT that point, he/she is "the one" and things could go any sort of up or down after that, but just like walking along the path of life, where God shines a flashlight at your feet and shows you just a step at a time, then you stop and turn around and see that he led you on each turn and bend. God didn't pick us because we are perfect. He didn't even pick us because we had some really good qualities. He picked us because we are dressed in Jesus. We have HIS righteousness on us- and when the Father looks at us, He sees Jesus's perfection. I can't help but think that on the day that we meet the father and he is giving out crowns, that there won't be a woman who receives a a beautiful crown for living her life becoming more like Jesus sumbitting to a husband who was not like him- does that mean she didn't marry "the one?" Forever she will live and love and know so intimately her precious redeemer, at the price of a life built on faith, not sight of Him- I don't think she would want it differently for eternity, and if you asked Him did she do the right thing, he may say yes or he may say no, but the best part is, HE did the right thing. He specializes in broken vases.
6.22.2005
We went up to Pinehurst for a couple of days and stayed with my grandparents and parents in the RV. B and dad went to the US Open while us ladies found the cutest little shops... they put up a tent for us to sleep in... we referred to it as, "the condo" it was as spacious as the RV! i love rv-ing! :)
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