Trust in the mourning

I still have all four of my grandparents. Better yet, I still have all SIX of my grandparents since my dad is married to my step mom and her parents are still alive as well. I haven't ever lost anybody close to me and for that I am thankful. But I know it will happen because we act like it is a normal thing that people live but an abnormal thing when they die- Even though we know in the back of our heads that everybody dies, it's almost like we don't really believe that. Probably because we weren't created to die- we were created to live forever but the fall put a stop to that and so since we weren't created to die, we don't know how to handle it. We know how to celebrate births because we were made to be born and we know how to celebrate weddings because we were made to wed, but death, we weren't made for death.

Seeing what my principal and her husband are going through is just heart breaking and mind bending. The Lord says that he won't give us a test that is more than we can stand- and maybe that's why i haven't ever lost anybody- I don't know if I could stand it. And why is that? I don't know- Maybe because I wonder about eternity. I know that I know that I know that I love the Lord and that He is mine and I am His- but as far as anybody else, I don't know where they stand with him and that is a huge burden to me. I guess there are two remedies to this burden. Number one: the Lord is in control. And Number two: the Lord is in control. He is big enough and strong enough and capable enough to call people unto himself. He called me, didn't he? AND He is faithful to His promise that He will be our righteousness.

In Jeremiah 33:16 Gods says that Judah (which represents people who are saved) will be called:
"The Lord Our Righteousness." Now, this is an interesting thought to me because it is saying that this will be our name. Our name will be called, "The Lord Our Righteousness." As in, "Hello, my name is, 'The Lord Our Righteousness.'" Or "yes, this is my friend, 'The Lord Our Righteousness.'" I like this. I like thinking of myself in this light because it has nothing to do with me. The Lord is my righteousness. The Lord is anybody's righteousness who calls on Him. I once asked the question of which name would be in the Lamb's book when I get to heaven, jessica hunter or jessica ryan and I got to thinking, maybe it will be "The Lord Our Righteousness." If that is what we who believe are to be called.

I feel a sting to death since I don't know whether people are in heaven or not. I feel like I can't be celebrational since I have no confirmation of arrival. This is a very heavy and sad feeling and I am not quite sure how you get past it. If it is true that the Lord is in control, which I know it is, and if it is true that He really does give life to some people even though we all deserve death then I suppose I can only praise Him for his mercy and trust his judgement. Who am I- one who has been given mercy and called by the name "The Lord Our Righteousness" -to doubt the very one who has made me righteous- God who even made it possible or ever entertained the idea of giving me His righteousness. He is certainly good.

We do not have to call evil, good or sad, happy. He does not ask that of us. He understands our pain because he has been there. He tells us to mourn with those who are mourning. He tells us to Trust in Him with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding. I can't remember who it is, but somebody once said
"Don't let what you don't know make you question what you do know."
More than ever, in times or mourning, loss and grief, we must place ourselves "Before the throne of God above" where "we have a strong and perfect plea a great high priest- whose name is love who ever lives and pleads for me. My name is graven on His hands, my name is written on His heart, I know that while in heav'n he stands, no tongue can bid me thence depart- no tongue can bid me thence depart.

When satan tempts me to dispair and tells me of the guilt within upward I look to see Him there, who made an end to all my sin. Because the sinless savior died, my sinful soul is counted free, for God the just is satisfied, to look on him and pardon me- to look on him and pardon me.

Behold him there the risen Lamb. My perfect spotless righteousness, the great unchangeable I AM the king of Glory and of Grace. One with himself I cannot die, my soul is purchased by His blood, my life is hid with Christ on High- with Christ my savior and my God... with Christ my savior and my God..."