anticipation of the Kingdom

I've mostly been posting from Benson's website because there are a lot of people who say, "I wanna see pictures of the baby!" So, voila- a whole website full of them! But it's good to get on here and write a little too.. even if it doesn't have quite the draw the other site does :)

Life is so weird. I oftentimes wonder what it would be like to live in a different country. I've been reading a book called "Safely Home" by Randy Alcorn. It's a great book and very insightful into what it's like being a Christian in modern day China. It has been very eye opening to read about the persecution they face, even today. But what has amazed me the most is to see their faith. Now, granted, it is a fiction novel, but a lot of it is based on truth and the main character, Li Quan and his wife Ming are so inspiring. Their faith is so rock solid. In the midst of arrests, beatings and destruction of their home, they continue to praise the Lord and joyfully minister in his name.

We have it so easy in America-- but I wonder if they don't have it better. Jesus said, blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
I think persecution brings faith to life. It makes you cling wholeheartedly and fully to the faith of which you speak. I am so tired of the apathy there is toward faith in my own life. I pray and I read my Bible, but I don't cling, I don't come thristy as the deer pants for water. But I'm thirsiting to be thirtsy- does that make sense? Those who are persecuted are so void of everything this life has to offer that in a sense, Jesus presents them with the kingdom now- they get to enjoy it before any of the rest of us... they seek it, they long for it and they look forward to it with great anticipation each moment of the day. How often do I think about heaven and really yearn to be there?

It's like getting ready for a big Clemson football game-- half the fun of it is anticipating what the tigers are going to be wearing, what you are going to wear, who all you'll see at the game, what the weather will be like, what tailgating food to make, whether or not so and so is going to bring their famous this and that to eat, not to mention talking junk all week about the opposing team, all the while sporting orange outfits! The game is the main event, of course, but it makes it so much fun to be a Clemson Tiger when you're thinking about the game all week-- it's almost like every day is game day.

The Kingdom of Heaven is the main event-- but how often do I think about what my crown will look like, whether or not my friends will be there, what it will look like, what it will be like to walk beside my Savior and savor each moment with him... How often do I talk Junk about the devil like I do about Carolina or FSU?

I didn't get to go to the first game this year because we decided it would be too loud for Benson, but my father in law said that there was a guy standing in Easley holding a sign that said, "Sports is America's God." How provoking. How true.

It makes me ill to think that we are so easily distracted-- that the opponent is having a field day with us and we don't even realize there's a match.

Benson still isn't able to focus very well. He has started smiling a lot though. Lots of times I'll be holding him and he'll be looking to his left and let out the biggest smile and giggle. Then he'll move his eyes to the ceiling and just watch and smile. Maybe it's weird, but I wonder if he's watching angels. I don't know how theologically sound that is, but I think it.

In all ways, I don't want to give the devil a foothold. I know that I am sinful, and that doing good will not get me any closer to heaven than if I tried to walk there. But I do long to please the Lord. I want to my faith to be as easily seen as my love for Clemson! How ridiculous a comparison, but it's true.

On another note:
I think it is important to be nice to the guys who carry out your groceries a Publix. They have a pretty thankless job-- there is this one old man in particular. I wonder why he works at Publix being so old-- did he not have good retirement saved up? Did something happen that used up all of his savings? He said he has three kids and four grandkids... I'm sure he didn't expect to be delivering groceries when he was 65. Maybe he's just bored. I don't know. But regardless, in the midst of hustling out of the store and to your car, I think a little niceness, a little consideration could probably go a long way. I know it would if I were him.

New Blog!

In case you haven't found it yet, there is a new blog devoted to little Benson Ryan... it's
www.bensonryan.blogspot.com
I'm posting from there mostly. See ya there!

Little glow worm Benson

Having a baby has definitely been the most amazing experience in my life. It is so incredible. Benson is such a sweetie. He's very good and rarely ever cries. In fact, he never even lets us know when he's hungry. We went to the pediatrition for the first time on Tuesday and he weighed 5 lbs. 13 oz. He weighed 6 lbs.6 oz. at birth. The pediatrition said it was normal for babies to lose weight their first week, especially breast fed babies, but he wanted to see us back on friday to check his progress. On Friday, his one week birthday, they weighed him and he still weighed 5 lbs. 13 oz. He hadn't lost any weight since they last checked, but he hadn't gained any weight either. He was also a tiny bit yellow, so they checked him for jaundice.

Sure enough, his bilirubin levels were elevated to 18. I wasn't sure what that meant, so the doctor explained that when a baby is in the womb, it gets oxygen from the mama, but right before it comes out, it has a build up of red blood cells (which carry oxygen throughout the body) in order to prepare to breathe on its own. After the first few hours, the excess red blood cells begin to die and the baby's liver starts metabolizing them and sending them out in the stool. When a baby has jaundice, their liver can't metabolize the dead red blood cell product, called bilirubin and it is stored in the skin and the eyes, giving them their yellow color.

Premature baby's are at a disadvantage because their lungs and their liver are the two last things to develop. Benson's lungs worked like a champ, but his liver was having a little difficulty handling the increase in red blood cell digestion. This was causing him to be very sleepy all of the time. He couldn't even wake up to eat. Come to find out, his liver was using up all of his energy to rid his little body of the bilirubin.

Because he wasn't gaining any weight, the doctor decided to treat his jaundice with a "bili blanket." It's a machine that has a high powered light going through a fiber optic cord with a pad that straps to his bare back. This light breaks down the excess bilirubin in his skin and helps his liver not have to work so hard, so he has energy to do things like EAT! And coo at mama. In the olden days, people would put jaundice babies in front of a sunny window to accomplish the same purpose, but the bili blanket can be used 24 hours a day and therefore, get rid of the jaundice faster which means more energy quicker. What a blessing that Benson was born in 2007 instead of 1907!

The babies usually have to wear the blanket for 3, 5, or 7 days. We have a doctors appointment later today, his third day, so we're hoping those levels are low and we'll be able to get rid of the "wallaby 3." That's what the machine is called, a wallaby... and it is so appropriate, because he looks like a little wallaby with his little tail hanging out of his outfit.

He also looks much like a glow worm. Regardless, he's still stinkin adorable. We went to the doctor yesterday and on the way home ran some errands, so we parked the car where the sun would shine through the window and one of us sat in the car while the other ran in to do the errand.

We're glad to know what is wrong with his little body and glad to have the remedy. Praise the Lord!

Benson Ryan

Born June 8, 2007

at 4:23 pm

6 lbs. 5.8 oz.

18 3/4 inches long

Click here for more pictures

Updates from the bed...

We went to the doctor yesterday and he said I am still holding steady at 4cm. Which is great news! (real quick: it would really surprise you to know how many people are confused about what exactly is 4 cm wide-- if you are one of these people, who isn't quite sure what dialates during labor (the cervix)... please google it or click here for an anatomically correct drawing of the female reproductive system that will make you feel MUCH better about the whole situation)

Our doctor said that he is just amazed that we have made it this far and that the only explanation is that the Lord is in control and his timing is perfect and it hasn't been his time yet! So we are grateful! We got to hear his heartbeat and it was very strong and the doctor said he thinks he's a little over 5 pounds at this point! He said that we're going to keep doing what we're doing... which is laying in bed and waiting and seeing... and that if we make it two more weeks, he'll likely go ahead and get the little one out at 36-1/2 weeks since there will be no real danger to him and most major things are finished developing at that point. So if the little booger doesn't decide to come before then, it looks like we'll be having us a baby sometime around June 23. That's only two and a half weeks away! WOW! It's hard to believe. I think it'll be strange not to feel him moving around in my belly any more. He's funny- he gets the hiccups at LEAST three times a day.. which I've read is a sign of a healthy central nervous system (that's my boy!) I can't wait to see what he looks like. I hope he looks like his daddy. Although, on the ultrasounds, he appears to have a big head like his mama. Poor thing. There's one thing for sure, he's going to have nappy hair. Between Benjamin's curls and mine, he doesn't have a chance! Although neither of us had any hair at all until we were two.. so maybe he'll be safe for a little while anyway. I do think Peaches is going to have a tough time with the new arrival. Christa brought my new little nephew Will by and Peaches growled when she handed him to me. Yikes! You gotta get used to it, Peachy-poo, you've got a little brother moving in soon!


Well, It's been three weeks and one day since I was told I could no longer get out of the bed. Quite interesting indeed, the whole bedrest thing. Most people who lay around all day watching tv and playing on the computer are considered lazy, yet I am not allowed to do anything BUT that! Many people have asked me if I've gotten bored or stir crazy, and while I would say that it HAS happened, there are many reasons to celebrate this time; the first being that each day that little Benson gets to stay in my tummy is such a blessing. It puts him so far ahead of where he would be if he were born just a day earlier! I read that their toenails don't even completely finish forming until 31 weeks, so imagine what else he'd be missing out on if he'd have decided to make his grand entrance into the world on May 14th at 30 weeks and 6 days, when he originally tried! Each day is a gift. Plus, I am trying to see this time as a nice little time of rest and relaxation that will likely NEVER happen again in my whole entire life. I bet in a few months I would be estatic to be told to stay in the bed! :) Also, I have gotten a lot of organization done on my computer. This is something that I have put off for a very long time because I didn't have "time." Well, that excuse doesn't really apply right now... SO... I am finally printing some of the 3000 (literally) pictures I have catalogued on my computer. BUT, I am doing it in a great and smart way that I think all should know about and explore. Snapfish.com has these things called memory books that you can fill with pictures and they will bind it with a hard cover and print the pictures directly on the pages, kinda like a magazine, and then send it to you in the mail... so you don't end up with boxes of pictures that you're (one day) going to put into an album! Ingenius. Wish I'd have thought of it. Also, I have discovered that facebook is pretty addictive and informative. It's nice to be able to catch up with people from kindergarten.

Overall, this hiatus from life has not been too bad at all... it's been quite a blessing. The Lord has been and continues to be so good to us. We are certainly unworthy but abundantly thankful!

Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today...

because you might go into labor!

I did. Last Monday, one day before I was 31 weeks pregnant (it takes 40 to have a fully cooked bun) I was having contractions about every eight minutes, but seeing how I've never BEEN pregnant, I didn't realize they were real contractions. Everyone talks about these things called Braxton Hicks contractions that happen but don't really mean anything, so I was sure that's what was going on.. but when I googled, "what do contractions feel like" and read the articles, I figured I should just call my doctor and see what he said. They said it was probably not a big deal, but to come in just to be on the safe side. So I called Benjamin and told him I was going over the doctors office and he insisted that he come with me. I told him that it was nothing and there was no need for him to leave the office, but he insisted that he drive me over there. Reluctantly, I went and met him and he drove me.

Time out: Let me just tell you that I started out at a different doctor at the beginning of my pregnancy. At week 17 I switched to this doctor because a friend told me he was a Christian and was fantastic-- he took time to talk with his patients and answer any questions and even prayed with his patients.. he and his practice are also well known for handling high risk cases and only deliver at Richland hospital where they send all preterm and high risk pregnancy cases in and around the midlands and also have the most advanced Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in the state... which was nice to know, but I of course never thought I'd need to be concerned about either of these things... little did I know...

We arrived at the doctors office and they put me on a monitor to watch the contractions and the baby's heartbeat. Benson's lil heart was just a beating and the contractions were about every 6-8 minutes. After a little while, the doctor checked me and I was 3 cm. dialated. He said, "this is the end of being out of the bed for you." He said that we needed to go into the hospital, which was connected to the doctors office. So I asked if we could go home and he said absolutely not. They brought a wheelchair in the room and told me they were taking me to the hospital right then. They wheeled me over there, got me up in the hospital bed and in about 20 minutes, had stuck me with about 20 different needles and shots, one of which was a steriod to develop the baby's lungs since he was too early to breathe on his own. That was when Benjamin and I realized they thought the baby was coming right THEN!

They were pumping this stuff called magnesium sulfate into me to stop the contractions which pretty much felt like FIRE going into my body. Then they were giving me a shot every two hours of this stuff called brethine which was also supposed to stop the contractions but made my heart race and pumped the FIRE through my body even faster. I felt like I was a rotisserie chicken. I had the thermostat set at 55 degrees, and my sweet husband and family were dipping washcloths into a basin of ice water and placing them on me. Within about two minutes, the cloths were warm and had to be re-dipped. They had an assembly line going-- as they were all wrapped up in blankets, teeth chattering. It was crazy. They kept that up for about 48 hours, until the medicines they were giving me to stop the contractions caused me to get fluid on my lungs. Which, considering I was supposed to be lying flat, was not a good situation. So my doctor decided to take me off of all of the meds, because there had been enough time for the steroid shot to take effect on Benson's lungs. I felt confident in his decision, because I knew we was a praying man and was seeking the Lord's wisdom and not just depending on his own.. he said that the reason I was having contractions was that I had a bladder infection that had turned really mean. he thought that the infection may have entered the amniotic fluid and my body was trying to push the baby out to protect it. If that was the case, we needed to let him come on out, because it was safer for him to be outside rather that still in my tummy.

After they took me off of the medicines, I was still having contractions, but they weren't strong enough to cause me to dialate any more (I stopped dialating at 4cm due to the meds) I stayed in the hospital a total of nine days. I didn't get to eat food until the fifth and I didn't get to take a shower until the eighth (ew). On the ninth day, I was discharged to be at home on total bed rest. I guess they're scarred the baby will fall out if I walk around too much :) I had two weeks of school left, but the Lord provided a wonderful substitute to finish up the year with my sweet little ones. I did have to miss the end of the year play, Winnie the Pooh, but I've been told they have it on video. So now I am sitting at home- today I'm 32 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I'm still contracting, but nothing that makes me go "hee hee hee hooo." So we're just waiting and seeing. If the contractions get unbearable or my water breaks, we'll head back to the hospital, otherwise, I'm to just sit here and let this little bun cook a little longer in the oven. They said for each day Benson's in my belly, it's three days less he'll have to stay in the hospital. I'm a better incubator that they one's they've got there!

The Lord has been so gracious to us and blessed us so much throughout this whole entire thing. So many people have been praying and encouraging us-- the Lord has given us peace and patience... although Benjamin was sitting here last night and said.." ok babe, I'm ready for him to get here... why don't you get up and do some jumping jacks :) " It's been such a roller coaster couple of weeks and we are certainly eager to meet our little one, but we are so thankful for each day that he waits to come-- each day is a blessing. As far as the title of this blog goes... never put off till tomorrow what you can do today... well... I had about 10 different colors painted on the walls in the nursery.. trying to decide which to paint.. we had not picked up the crib or, obviously, assembled it.. i was supposed to have two baby showers in the last two weeks to collect all the little baby stuff that you need... I had planned on doing a deep cleaning of my house once school got out (ok.. at least CLEANING it) I was going to plant flowers in the empty pots sitting all in my front yard... clean out closets... plan something really nice for our two year anniversary May 22 etc. Well, needless to say, I didn't, haven't and won't get to do any of the things on my to do list... however, through my wonderful family, the Lord has graciously provided. My dad and aunt missy painted the baby's room and my dad and grandaddy hunter put the crib together. My sister Ashley has cleaned my house from top to bottom (in addition to many other tasks, including painting my toenails and giving me foot massages) Mrs. J took care of Peaches while we were in the hospital, My mother in law, Mrs. Lula, planted some beautiful flowers all over my yard, on our anniversary my mom came to the hospital and brought Benjamin and I a steak and lobster dinner complete with candles (we didn't get to light them) and sparkling grape juice and a linen table cloth and a bouquet of flowers and cheesecake- it was perfect, and certainly a memorable anniversary (see pic below)... it has all worked out great. AND we still have the baby IN the belly. Which is a great thing. Benjamin was a little concerned about coming home... he said, "i don't know about laying in bed at night beside my pregnant wife who is 4cm dialated and contracting... maybe we should stay at the hospital!" But the Lord is good and he knew this little babe's birthday before the beginning of time. And all the detailes surrounding his arrival... we trust Him. He has truely given us more than we could ask or imagine the past couple of weeks.... whoever reads this... please stop and praise the Lord for his goodness.. for his provision and blessing to us.. for his protection and peace... He is such a good and mighty God and He is so worthy of praise and honor and glory. Indeed, great things he has done!

There really is a baby in there!

We had our first ultrasound yesterday! It was amazing! And, it's for sure, without a doubt, we could tell....

It's a Boy!!

So Benjamin's gonna have a little junior! Benjamin Johnson Ryan, Jr. But we'll call him Benson. He's such a cutie. I must say, my favorite feature of him so far is his little hiney. It's just adorable. They videoed the whole ultrasound and I have watched it a bazillion times since yesterday, it's just so amazing to be able to see him moving all around in there. I have only felt him move one time, so it was just amazing to see him wiggling all around! I wish I could upload the video to here, it was so incredible! He would stretch his little legs all the way out and then pull them back in and it looked like he was waving at us with his tiny little hands. What a blessing it is to see they Lord's creation as he is forming it and making it perfectly.

So now it's time to start picking out nursery stuff and preparing our home for the new addition. I think we both feel like it's real for the first time. Since I haven't been sick and I haven't felt it move but once, it's been hard to believe that a little pink line and not being able to fit in my clothes really means there is a baby in my belly! So I'm glad to have seen him. He really is in there and he really is on his way. I can't wait to kiss him!